By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Abusive women put their men in the doghouse when they are misbehaving. And the shame these men feel is no different than that felt by battered women.

It’s a shame that has many dimensions:

a) I let my partner down.

b) I don’t measure up to my partner’s expectations and/or standards.

c) I’m in the doghouse by virtue of my own consent.

d) My partner knows I’ve consented, thereby enabling her control of me.

e) For crying out loud, if my friends knew I was in this doghouse.

f) My children know of her power to put me here and keep me in here.

g) I feel impotent in my ability to pull myself out of this doghouse.

h) What if people in the world that I do business with, who trust and respect me, knew of my being ushered into this doghouse.

i) …And not only ushered here today, but shoved in here regularly.

j) I want out of this doghouse, but that’s not easy.

k) I’m beginning to lose respect for myself.

l) These visits to the doghouse feel like a manipulation to get me to comply with her unfulfilled wishes.

m) And when I do give into her (or she needs me out of here for something else), she lets me out of the doghouse.

n) But I know it will only be so long as she is getting what she wants, when she wants it.

o) And when I fail her again, I’ll be right back here in this doghouse.

p) Would life be better if I just stay here, ignore her and do my own thing?

If you recognize yourself here, you maybe in a dangerous relationship. To know if this is the case and to know now, I invite you to take the online Intimate Partner Abuse Screen. You can see what maintains and what stops domestic abuse. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps men and women recognize and end domestic abuse, and heal from abusive relationships.

(c) copyright 2008 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 30th, 2008 at 8:59 am and is filed under Abuse Insights. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.