Archive for May, 2012

Relationship Trust – How Do You Regain Trust in the Context of an Abusive Relationship?

by Dr. Jeanne King. Ph.D.

People in abusive relationships ask how do you regain trust after he/she has hurt me, hit me, cursed me… Many of these people genuinely long to rebuild trust in their compromised relationships. Yet, they claim that they are stuck. They simply don’t know how to trust their partner, again.

Domestic Abuse and Interpersonal Trust

It makes perfect sense that you see a person who hurt you as they show themselves to be with you, rather than expecting them to be, as you desire them to be. This is what is advised when one recognizes the obvious signs of domestic violence the first time in a new relationship.

In established relationships, issues of trust and history emerge. Couples wanting to recover from domestic abuse hold mixed memories of history and stumble on basic trust.

Why do they stumble? My sense is that the way they “try” to rebuild trust supports their lack of trust. And most importantly, they fail to master accountability after trust is violated. For example, take a look at Robert and Fran…Relationship Trust – How Do You Regain Trust in the Context of an Abusive Relationship?

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Domestic Abuse – 3 Keys to Deal with an Abuser Using the System as a Sword to Abuse You

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

“Why do verbal abusers use the system as a sword to control the partners they abuse?” This question has been asked over and over again.

I have one answer for it. That is because they can. What I mean by that is they can get away with it, and therefore, why not?

To read the complete article, please visit Domestic Abuse – 3 Keys to Deal with an Abuser Using the System as a Sword to Abuse You

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Verbal Abuse Signs – Is Name-Calling Verbal Abuse or Descriptive Feedback?

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

“When the name you call someone is factual, even though it is distasteful, is it name-calling?” asks a reader.

I’ve heard this question and I’ve seen it play out in domestic abuse relationship therapy. Here’s how it looks…

Steve calls his partner Linda a lousy housekeeper. She hears this as “name-calling,” yet from his point of view, the reference to his wife as a lousy housekeeper is descriptive.

In therapy, Steve insists that he is not being verbally abusive by referring to Linda as a “lousy housekeeper.” On the receiving end of his commentary is a wounded wife who declares that her husband is abusing her verbally.

To read the complete article, please visit Verbal Abuse Signs – Is Name-Calling Verbal Abuse or Descriptive Feedback?

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